Author: ashton

New Year 2023

Happy New Year, Fluent in Blonde family. My star New Year’s resolution this year is to move to the South for a while; “a while” meaning however long it takes for my kids to develop a deep accent baptized in gravy. I’m positive that whatever shortcomings I have in raising my babies to be great

Read More 

Why the Mask Mandate Worked Well with My Lifestyle, and How We Celebrated the End of It (Includes Tylenol)

After corralling my kids to their bedtime showers the other night, I spent nearly thirty minutes policing my two boys about brushing their teeth. I put Shayne to bed while I heard the sink running in what I’d assumed was surrendered compliance, and was surprised when I walked into their bedroom. “Buddy, are you bleeding?

Read More 


I have been very fortunate to have had lots of little side jobs writing, thanks to help from your reposting on social media outlets! The only downside to that is every time I sit down to write on Fluent in Blonde, it’s like, twenty nine o’clock and I have to close my eyes for a

Read More