Holiday Week Thoughts, From An Aspiring Chik-Fil-A Red Tier Member

I took my kids out on a lunch date last week as a little recess from running Christmas errands.

As my daughter baptized each nugget in Chik-Fil-A Sauce, my mind had ample time to do what it does well: rehash its Questions and Concerns file.

These are the thoughts eternally hamster wheeling in my brain, and are 95% comprised of non-urgent matters pertaining to my kid; specifically, how I will survive their college send-off, and if I’m opposed to them getting tattoos if I get a matching one. That sort of thing.

During this particular ten minutes of lunchtime, I was inspired by recent December events to explore the other 5% of my brain’s Questions and Concerns cabinet.

Like this, for one.

Political parties and views aside, way aside, who is currently in charge here, guys? Who is in charge of the country? Or my state? Or my school district? Joe, you still in this? Kamala? CDC? Britney’s dad?

Said with zero political fueling, but with the fluster of a rule follower trying to decipher what the rules even are from month to month, place to place.

Getting Gossip Girl vibes with every news headline popping up on my phone.

I’ll wait for Jen Psaki to circle back to me about that, and in the meantime, read a cheery “Happy Holidays” email from our giant school district’s superintendent who was fired by the school board. But, not. Anymore. He’s back, or something, and warmly hopes I am “reflecting on the many blessings we all enjoy.”

Huh. Alright. I will, thank you.

I’d only halfway sipped my Coke Zero, so I had time for a few more:

Wondering what protocol and web developer I’d need to create a viral personality test based on your Christmas light preference. You know, that color test one? And the other with all the INFJ letters that I don’t fully understand? I want it like that, but assessing your psyche based on your choice of hall decking: white lights, cool LED lights, colored lights, icicles, or inflatable yard decor.

Alternatively, I’d like to draft some sort of a bill for the Senate to review, requiring neighbors with 3+ yard inflatables to register their address online. The citizens of America should have full transparency as to who is devaluing their neighborhood home prices.

That’s why it’s so imperative I know who’s in charge of my local and federal governments these days.

And there they are! My only couple of items in my December Questions and Concerns file that don’t involve my kids, or Amazon Prime.

I’ll spare you all my thought process, but in December, almost all of my 2AM thoughts are variations of wondering how/worrying/hoping I can keep Gus, Roscoe, and Shayne like this forever. They are in the absolute jewel of childhood. Innocent, bouncy, easily pleased, and starry eyed. Christmas is sparkly, and tears are fewer.

You know I could go onnn and onnnn with so many n’s, but I’ll be back for that soon. Instead, I’m just dropping a few photos of my babies, who also happen to be my little besties, greatest examples, and would all score as glittering icicle lights on my Christmas light personality test.

Wishing you all the Peppermint Chik-Fil-A shakes (sans printed caloric information) this holiday week!