How Do I Apply for Shark Tank?

I’ve been double stroller shopping. I know, I’m being an 11th hour person here, but those are overwhelming and expensive. I purchased a car with less anxiety. I finally found a stroller I like, but not without wondering why other attachments and mom gear have not been invented:

Mini-TV Stroller Attachment: Just a little TV popping out of the stroller bars, roughly the size of a phone, wifi preferred but not necessary. Great for the “go to sleep, child” walks. Some people might argue that this stroller feature could be replaced by an iPhone, but those people must be men without children. Any experienced parent knows smart phones are a source of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse held only by sticky apple juice fingers.

Happy Mom Backpack
: Like a camopack, but cute. Fill with Red Bull. VIOLA! Happy.

The Stocked Rocker
: A rocking chair that reclines, has a footrest, and contains an ice cream maker inside. Homemade ice cream just churning inside with each rock! What a treat after a long night up with baby, just in time for 4AM Fresh Prince. Ultimately, I would like this chair to be cordless, but I don’t have the technological ingenuity to figure that out, because I’m American and don’t have a drop of genius Asian blood in me.

Timed Ambien
: A three hour dose. A five hour dose. An eight hour dose. There will be different options for different babies’ feeding needs. Is Mom dead? No! She took her Timed Ambien, so she won’t wake to any unmerited crying dragging her out of bed by her heart strings! This will solve the age old problem of no empathy from well rested men.

Will someone fund me?

My only investor so far. He's got change burning a hole in that piggy.
My only investor so far. He’s got change burning a hole in that piggy.

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