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/ Babies, Laughing Keeps Things Real, Pregnancy, Wife Life

Am I Nuts or Am I Just Tired? The Exciting Part of the Pregnancy Glow Package

Currently: laying in my bed like anyone you’ve seen on My 600 LB Life. I mentioned that to my friend Chelsea the other day, and it seems accurate every time I plop down.

Not currently: in California with the rest of my in-laws, celebrating my father in law’s birthday.

I’ve been teetering back and forth between wondering if I could handle his months-in-the-making celebration without breaking my sore body. I still have OVER two months until this baby girl is expected, so I’m confused about state of emergency my body has already seemed to issue. To women, I describe it as that 36-40 week discomfort of painful pressure, difficulty walking at the end of the day, and major back aches. To men, I’d describe it as, “Please punch my back to loosen it up.”

Last night, Brian was graced with the ultimate episode of pregnant indecisiveness.

“What should I pack? Wait, no, wait. I can’t go. I cannot go. Why do I think I can handle traveling and getting through an airport, much less sightseeing and vacationing? I will snap in half or my pelvis will fall out.”

Brian mentioned something about the Santa Cruz boardwalk and pulling me in a trailer.

“What? Well, okay. Haha. No, that’s dumb! This doesn’t even make sense! This will hurt! I can’t do this!” There were tears. There were backrubs. There were more tears about clothes and I can and I can’t and I can and I can’t and I won’t cancel my flight and have to go “because it’s the last time before the baaaaabyyyyyy and I never even see you anymore and why did you book such an early flight and I’m going to have to ask the Uber driver to stop and pee and I WILL DIE and I can’t! But I will. It’s okay. I will. I’m coming.”

I think that was when Brian could sense something irrational and weird about to happen and relocated quietly to a different bathroom to get ready for bed.

…where I followed him to tell him I was going and it was going to be so fun and I loved him.

Sometime around 1AM when I had to take Tylenol, I climbed out of my bed’s pregnant pillow-nest and cried walking downstairs. These weird back-Braxton Hicks made me feel like a dried up rollie pollie I’d seen my boys playing with recently…the kind that are halfway closed, you know? I felt like a dried up, half closed rollie pollie with little legs poking out, trying to walk down the stairs.

I got back in bed to inform Brian there’s just no way. I had to bail on my in-laws trip, which is sad and also scary. In-laws don’t have to love you unconditionally. There’s always the weird one no one actually likes. OMIGOSH AM I THAT ONE? Do I have past offenses? Will I have inter-family friends?

Brian just held my hand, because he’s the best, and knows how to sidestep some real landmines. Maybe also because it was some crazy hour and he was actually asleep.

The next morning, he left, and my request to cancel my flight was clear the night before…and I still teared up thinking that I didn’t go. I called him sobbing that he didn’t make me go with him.

I’ve never been this emotional in my life, and had to look it up, because that’s what Google is about. Self diagnosing. Search: Why am I so emotional while pregnant? It should say, “Are you serious, you idiot?” but instead, I found this article, the title of which is verbatim what I’d been wondering.

I found consolation in the title alone. That was enough.

Brian is skydiving with his family, and I think after this whole thing he really will be ready to jump out of a plane.

/ Babies, Family, Laughing Keeps Things Real, Mom Life, Pregnancy, Toddlers

You Know You Have Little Boys When: Part 1 of 785205

I never thought I’d relate with bugs a whole lot…until I had little boys.

Well, maybe lady bugs.

I don’t know if it’s me having some sort of insect empathy, remorse from my boys over loving a few (Brian has assured me that certain species of bugs were created by God for little boys), or if I’ve just become too comfortable with them. I don’t know what my deal is, but I’ll say it. I’ve really been relating to them lately.

(Now you can place the boy-mom crown on my head.)

A few days after the bug guy sprays our yard, Gus and Roscoe can often be found outside singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” to the “sleeping” bugs that are lying on their backs, feet slowwwwly pedaling in the air.

This is exactly what I do when I come home from work now. Who knew.

I’m large, decrepit, slow, just lying on my back with my legs propped up on something to reverse swelling. My feet wave in the air every time Brian looks at me to make him want to rub them.

It doesn’t work.

I have to beg, verbally, not with my eyes, because I guess dying bug eyes are not like puppy eyes.

This crossed my mind again tonight, as I laid in Roscoe’s room on the floor. He was uncharacteristically   upset, and seemed scared, so I laid down on his floor for a while as he fell asleep.

Like, 4 different times. In the room, sneaking out of the room, back in the room, back out.

Finally, as MY bedtime was approaching, I tried to get up and leave…except I’m starting to struggle on the spry exiting, and Roscoe was stirring. I initially tried to roll to the door so he wouldn’t hear me, but my 7 month tummy I briefly forgot about prevented that. Instead, I army crawled, and being said seven months pregnant probably looked more like a slug than an army crawl.

He still woke up.

There’s really no point to this post except that I think I’ve been fully immersed in little boy life that now I’m finding bugs to be quite relatable. In fact, I didn’t even flinch when Brian met me in our bed and warned me that I might find some rollie pollies in it from earlier.

I’m understanding now why a past cleaning lady was charging me more than she charged our friends.

/ Babies, Mom Life, Pregnancy

Third Trimester Baby Girl “Bumpdate”

When people ask how far along I am, my answer the past while has been, “Oh, uh, I’m about twenty three weeks. No, twenty six. Twenty six? Wait, no. I don’t remember. Yeah.”

I’m due in February, and unlike my past, I-know-my-gestation-period-to-the-day pregnancies, that’s all I know for sure. February.

This week, I remember more easily because of this milestone–third trimester!

This has been my toughest pregnancy physically, but I am finally enjoying it! There’s a sweet spot in pregnancy that’s just euphoric: past sickness, but before the painfully large, skull stuck in my pelvis stage. This is a much smaller window of the “pleasantly pregnant” stage than I’d expected, but I’m sure relieved to be here!

Some new developments at 27/28 weeks:

♥ Going to start using hearts as bullet points in celebration of diluting the man-cave I live in with femininity.
♥ I’m not as swollen as I’d expected yet, but I’m sure it’s still coming. My friend Krystal threw in some extensions for me in preparation of puffy-face.
♥ During every weight-gain phase of my life, I get an incredible amount of, “You look just like Hilary Duff!” comments. They’re rolling in thick, so I know my rounder face is arriving.
♥ Baby girl is still nameless.
♥ My sweet tooth is almost non existent.
♥ There is nothing I enjoy more than lemons and vinegar. I’ve never craved food, per se, in any pregnancy, but I usually have one or two “still sounds appealing” items. So far, lemons, apples, and salads with vinegar-based dressings are the only things that sounds satisfying.
♥ I’ve never actually eaten sliced lemons until now, and I’m pretty positive my dentist is going to cash in on that soon when my teeth are deteriorated.
♥ Baby girl is still relatively quiet. I’m sure there are several factors in that, liiiike chasing big brothers all over, but she’s started to move noticeably more this week. She seems to like to stretch more than kick and jab, and my internal organs don’t sit well from a prolonged stretch.
♥ I’m preparing Gus’s room for Gus’s new roommate: Roscoe. My apprehension about transitioning Roscoe to a bed in a new room has overshadowed any baby nursery decorating. I’m SO worried about the new arrangements causing sleep interruptions with both my boys, both at night and naps. (Gus doesn’t nap but has “rest time,” and Roscoe definitely still needs a nap.) I do NOT rock the boat with sleep, especially prior to a new baby.
♥ Seafood is still the only meat I enjoy, but I am finally able to stomach adding more meat into my diet. I credit some of my feeling better to a higher protein intake…mostly because I had that issue with Roscoe. Oops.
♥ Gus and Roscoe talk often about baby sister and are hugely entertained by feeling my tummy for kicks. Baby girl never fails to freeze as soon as a hand touches my stomach, but both my boys act surprised and excited “feeling her feet” anyway.
♥ I’m carrying baby girl way higher than I carried my boys.
♥ Absolutely no one has tried to touch my tummy. Absolutely everyone tells me, “You’ve sure got your hands full!” I’m sure my smile looks just like a plastered on smile emoji.
♥ I am enjoying sleeping like a rock, and Brian almost always lets me sleep in. Pregnancy is rough on us both as it puts a much heavier load on him in the parenting department, but I sure appreciate his efforts. I can’t decide if I’m super lucky or if he’s slightly afraid of Pregnant Ashton.
♥ I haven’t experienced any Braxton Hicks yet, but I do have these weird back cramps that feel like I’m having back labor for just a few minutes, and then I’m sore for a couple days. Has anyone else experienced this!?
♥ Already praying for a good sleeper.

/ Uncategorized

It’s Not Thanksgiving if I Don’t Make a List Other Than Groceries

I can’t let today go by without sharing my joys with the world.

That’s partially because it’s Thanksgiving, and partially because I just watched a Lifetime movie.

Either way, I have so much to be grateful for, and as much as I tried to reflect on it throughout the day, preparing food, chasing kids, and online sales distracted me.

Instead, tonight, as I was being a mom and scrolling through photos of my kids after they were tucked in, I was overwhelmed thinking of my gratitude list:

I am blessed beyond measure for the good health and strong bodies my family enjoys.

I have a husband who is just GOOD. He makes my life easier. Brian is truly my best buddy, the best listener, and my biggest supporter. He inspires me as a parent…his patience is near endless, he is fun, and he always has things under control.

And the kitchen is clean when I come home from work.
And that’s mind blowing.

I have little boys who are my whole entire world. They light up my life. It’s impossible not to laugh wirh them around.

Side note: For the first time I’ve seen, Gus wrote his own name today.

I can’t believe I’m so lucky to be their mommy. I’ll spare you seven paragraphs of my mushy mommy love, though.

I have a home to live in, with kind neighbors who look out for us.

My body has been capapble of creating new life and supporting this pregnancy. We couldn’t be more thrilled about being blessed with a baby girl soon!

We have jobs.

We have very involved extended families.

We are happy.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

/ Beauty, Shopping, Wife Life

THEEEE Best Way to Not Just Save on Black Friday, Actually Get Cash Back!

I’m a huge online shopper, more for practical, I-have-little-kids reasons than anything. I know the ins and outs of finding deals here and there from being up late with new babies, where online browsing at 2AM gets me through long nights.

So, listen. Forget about the coups. Forget about free shipping over $75.

I can get you cash.

I’ve mentioned this before, but my super great friend Jessy shared eBates with me quite a while ago, and if you are online shopping this Black Friday, you need it.

In fact, it’s just stupid if you don’t sign up.

You’ll get a check in the mail for shopping. Really.

Instead of typing a store name in your browser, go to www.eBates.com first.

Type the name of the store in there.

Shop like normal.

Get a percentage back in the mail in a check.

I’ll really hold your hang and give you examples: You’re finishing eating pie on Thanksgiving, which reminds you that you need new stretchy pants, which reminds you that you’d like to check Lululemon’s site. Instead of typing Lululemon into the browser, go to ebates.com first. THEN type in “L-u-l-u-l-e-m-o-n” and you’ll see that for 48 hours only, you’ll get 10% cash back! Click on the store, they take you to your normal site, and you shop like usual.

$250 later, you feel satisfied knowing that you’re getting a $25 check in the mail soon.

Now, finish that pie, girl. New stretchy pants are on their way.

(& think of me next time you hear Moana’s “You’re Welcome.)

/ Food, Holidays, Pregnancy

Thanksgiving Week 2017: The Number One Reason My Christmas Tree is Not Up Yet (Other Than Because It’s Not Christmas)

We have arrived.

Thanksgiving week is here.

I can’t eat my normal impressive amount of food after being sick for so long, so I’ll be studying how to stretch my stomach out this week like I’m going to Coney Island for Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

We are FINALLY enjoying cooler weather in Las Vegas, and no one is happier about that than a pregnant girl.

…slash a suddenly heavier girl who can wear stretchy pants and sweaters.

My friend Andrea and I debated the summer baby maternity wardrobe and winter baby maternity wardrobe. I’ve only been 7 months + during hot months, so I’m still team winter babies as of right now. Hiding not-so-freshly shaven legs in long pants, having some compression on swollen extremities, and people think pregnant eating is endearing really does it for me. “Here, mommy, you need some food! Eat this!” “She’s growing a baby! Make sure she eats!”

This is so awesome.

Somehow, I’ve already gained fifteen pounds even after being sick (I only know because I accidentally forgot to squint and not look at my last weigh-in), so I’m pretty sure I am more than okay on eating, but alright. I’ll eat all this fudge. I’m wearing a maternity sweater!

That major bullet point-shameless food enjoyment-is reason number one I refuse to steam roll Thanksgiving with premature Christmasing this year.

I celebrate, even worship, a day devoted to just cooking and eating and picking at food, even when you’re so full your underwire hurts.

It takes me back to my 2014 2014 post about everyone that puts up their Christmas decor pre-Thanksgiving , which I’m not necessarily against. Every fun, festive person, every store, EVERYONE puts out Christmas decorations in November, and go them.

Not me, though.

Not this year.

This is my moment: pregnant, in that feel-good, sweet spot of the trimesters, and fulllllly clothed.

Wait a minute and let this fat girl have her day, Santa.

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