If you are a fellow HomeGoods lover, you’ll understand the trauma my tender soul has faced.
The other night, I ran there after Gus went to sleep. HomeGoods is a type of personal sanctuary that I hold in high regards, paralleled only by select Marshall’s.
I only had about 30 minutes, but I knew the trip was going to be worth it when I stepped out of the car and voice whispered, “Welcome to the cave of woooonders!” and the store became a giant, freaky Tiger head filled with jewels and gold, magical lamps and 8×10 carpets. Then, I ran through the entrance doors and twirled in the aisles with my arms out, chanting, “$7.99! $12.99!”
Just kidding, that’s Aladdin, minus the pirouettes.
I strolled through the store until the 15-minute to close warning was announced. I was speed walking the rest of the store, when a girl with an armful of clothes almost ran into the pre-school age girl across from me. Clothes-girl was apparently super irritated that the little girl was in her way, because she started throwing hangers back on the rack like a piñata. I was getting uneasy about this crazy lady tainting the aura of peaceful unity all Home Good-ers feel during their treasure hunts, until I noticed she was an employee.
So I resumed my explorations.
There were lots of little remarks coming from the angry worker, but nothing completely audible over my head chanting and squealing after finding Gus’s favorite pajamas he had outgrown…in a size bigger! Yesss.
I couldn’t wait to show Brian, when the “5 minutes to store closing” announcement came on the speaker. Immediately after, I heard, “OR WE COULD START FLASHING THE LIGHTS FOR THE DEAF CUSTOMERS.” I turned around and saw a little ponytail in the rack behind me with a level 7, natural blonde’s eyes darting around behind glasses. Suspicious. Then I noticed she was the angry piñata Home Goods worker! No way! How could one of their own be attacking me?!
I looked around at the other people nearby and said, “I’m sorry, are you talking to me?” I knew she couldn’t be talking to me, because I have pink hair…and pink haired girls GENERALLY aren’t people to mess with because they have friends at Hot Topic.
She turned bright red and said no.
My happy place bubble was crushed, so I left my finds and walked out…but not before tattling on her on my way out with another customer that was offended.
Let’s turn this into one of those choose your own ending stories:
1. And that, THAT is how my refuge from the world was violated.
2. And that, THAT is how I embarrassed myself after telling on an employee to a justice-seeking manager, and I can never show my face at that particular Home Goods location again. I’ll reconsider when I change my hair color.
3. And that, THAT is why I’m only shopping at Restoration Hardware online, Brian.