Who Knew I Wouldn’t Mind Changing 2000 Diapers a Day?

The hospital Gus was born was very organized, and very professional. I left with several packs of diapers, tons of “just in case” formula, a dozen pacifiers, baby lotions, baby body washes, a million new mom toiletries, etc.

The hospital I delivered at just recently was a little less…normal?
I left with a couple diapers, multiple 3AM lectures about pacifiers, and
this “just in case” pen.
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The state’s child support enforcement phone number just didn’t seem like an optimistic parting gift.

I did, however, leave with a baby, and that’s obviously the best souvenir.
I laugh now that I wondered if I’d ever love another baby like I love my first. It’s amazing.

Is there a part of your heart that is invisible? There are empty places hiding in your heart, so deep within you, you don’t even know they’re there. You don’t know you’re missing anything. Then, one day, you meet someone: a new best friend, a significant other, a brand new baby. And your heart recognizes them before your brain does, because it’s had a spot reserved for them all along. Just for them! That invisible space becomes alive and very real, and your body has physical responses to that void being touched. Tears or adrenaline mean you have found someone your heart knew before this life, and they’re very special, and your heart is a little fuller.

And you can never live without that person without that space feeling hollow.

It’s scary, too, because filling that spot in you means there is more heart surface area to get hurt, and to worry, but isn’t that part of sincere love?

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This new little guy filled my heart in a place I didn’t know I had. We are enjoying our special time together at night. My eyes are a little puffy when his are wide awake, but even through sleepy eyelids and glasses, I can tell there is a lot going on in that little mind. I hope that in all the craziness of transitioning into this world, he knows how much I love him.

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1 Comment

  1. Goodness, you are gorgeous. That sweet little baby face!! I love him and wish I could come snuggle him and let you take a nap!

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