Ghetto Fab, Mostly Fab

Any time “blog” comes up, people ask if mine is about beauty.

Umm, like the beautifully random innerworkings of a cluttered mind all spewed in one place? Yes.

But BEAUTY? I like beauty. I really like beauty.

I can talk beauty.

I can share with you my favorite lipsticks (I have an impressive collection, I won’t lie), favorite hair products (girrrrl, that I KNOW from years in salons), fashion, websites, self tanners, etc etc etc…but no.

Oh, no.

Today, let me give you the real juice. You know, the tricks that all girls share amongst their best friends. Ghetto-ish yet very useful beauty tricks, tried and true by moi. (“Moi” to reinstate your faith in my classiness.)

Here are my favorite beauty secrets, even when I’m lazy, that hardly cost anything. I will ALWAYS love:

Press on nails. Yeah, like elementary school, except new and improved. They’re at Target, and come in fun, current shapes you may never take a chance on in the nail salon, great colors (matte!), and are perfect for just a few days. Any type of nails don’t last long with my job, so I love these for a fun change and then pop them off.

Or pop them off to show all your friends at your next girls night.

Tinkle my face. Yes, Tinkle. Not sure who was in charge of branding over at Tinkle and named it that, but it’s an awesome product and bathroom STAPLE that my friend Holly turned me on to and I’ve never gone back. Essentially, it’s dermablading your face…or shaving, if you don’t know what that means. If you think you don’t have a hairy face, YOU ARE WRONG. YOU HAVE A PELT. You can buy that new Dior bronzer, but I can see your it floating on your cheek hairs. No, you won’t cut your face unless you’re sawing it. No, your hair doesn’t grow back thicker or darker. Your skin will be exfoliated, hair free, feel smoother than every, and your makeup will look flawless.

Michelle Money has a YouTube tutorial on it riiiight here, in case you trust Michelle Money more than me and Holly.

(I dropped these off at a few friends’ houses recently, and I’d drop one off at yours, too, if I could.)

Blot your face with toilet seat covers. I can see you making a face at this through the screen, but listen: when your face eats makeup like mine does, you’ll try whatev. My friend Sable just shared this with me, and it’s kind of amazing. It’s a great sub in for blotting papers. While the covers aren’t quite the same, it does the job de-shining your face after a quick trip to the powder room.

Wash your face with honey. Not the kind from the bear. I’m talking real, REAL honey. Liiiiike, from a farmer’s market. You know, the sort of gritty kind? After removing makeup, massage it on clean, damp skin like a mask, leave it on just a minute (it will melt and get drippy if you leave it on too long), and wash it off. If my eczema, weird dermatitis-issues-prone skin loves this, yours definitely will. Your face will never feel softer (especially in conjunction with Tinkling). My all time favorite exfoliating face wash is Simple Sugars, a brand from Shark Tank, and I definitely treat myself to it! Honey is my second best (but free!) option.

Use this eyelash serum for the best eyelashes in the world. I’ve used a million…trust me. Grande Lash is amazing. Every single person I’ve recommended this to is obsessed. (I even double checked with my optometrist.) Super affordable. Put it on once in the morning, once in the evening, and in three weeks, you will text me all sort of sparkle heart emojis to thank me. I promise people will ask if your lashes are extensions after a couple months. I haven’t used it since April, and I’m still pretty good.

Go read other blogs to find sales (I’m pretty sure there’s one at Gap today!) (you’ll only think that’s funny if you’ve signed up for Gap emails), but if you want some ghetto fab beauty tricks that work, I’m your girl.

I said these were my secrets, and now I’m feeling so exposed. Please…share yours with me! I know you have some.

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Nothing Gold Can Stay

I can feel change approaching. Preschool is starting…and it’s just preschool. I know. Still, with my boys being back to back in school, I know this year kicks off a new life of schedules and time apart. (Time apart means less control of my kids’ environments, exposing my babies to outside influences, and…missing them!)

Cue flipping through baby pictures at night.

That’s where I’ve been this week. The impending threat of real-life scheduling has sent me into a panicked fun overdrive. I’ve completely worn us all out with daily excursions to multiple pools (slides! fountains! beach entries! hotels!), parks, Chuck E Cheese, trampoline parks, indoor play areas, and car washes.

(Car wash + Pop cookies/popcorn is how we do.)

This is all because my knee jerk emotion to change is sadness, but when I think about it…I don’t know if I should be completely sad about the “babies at home” chapter closing. In fact, when I really think back to the past few years, I think of the most tender, precious, quiet moments of my life mixed with some growing pains. They were a couple years of loneliness (happy loneliness, but loneliness nonetheless) as life at home with young, not-yet-talking children feels a little secluded. There were long nights, and anxiety as I learned how to care for sick babies, squinting at infant Tylenol directions at 3 AM. There were long days that were a mixture of laughter, love, walks, play dates with friends, and total bliss watching “firsts”, but also failed naps and multiple baths, just to fill the time.

Not joking on the baths. There were a LOT of baths in the winter. What else were we going to do?

It’s been a beautiful time of life. One of my favorite Robert Frost lines pops into my head often, “Nothing gold can stay.” Even though I’m concerned about a setting sun and a new chapter of motherhood, I am certain I’m just now approaching the gold.

And though I know nothing gold can stay, I will hold on to and admire that gold for every second it lasts.

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Wedding Flashback

Today, Brian and I are celebrating (well, acknowledging) our eighth wedding anniversary. Eight! How was this favorite day of mine eight years ago?

I’ll spare you the cheese, but I married up. I am so proud to be Brian’s wife. He is just GOOD, you know? He is the most patient, kind, selfless person I know, and makes anything and everything fun. It’s impossible not to like him.

(I mean, it took ME a couple years, but when Morgan helped me figure it out, I sealed the deal real quick. That’s a different story.)

The more time that passes, the more I enjoy scrolling through wedding photos and reminiscing. “Remember that watch?” “I forgot about her short hair!” “We look SO young!”

We’re hoping to REALLY celebrate our anniversary later this week, but since it’s Sunday evening, these photos are where the party is at. I’ll always love our friend Denise for beautifully capturing such a fun day! (PS Denise, I am wearing your old shorts right now…)

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Current Real Life

Oh, hey. Let me sit down here and tell you real stuff.

Every time I’ve started writing lately, I get distracted by thoughts of, “Is this okay to write? Will this offend someone? Is this supposed to look more professional? Will a bigger platform pick this up? Do people need to know what I bought from the Nordstrom sale? Is my curling iron on from this morning? Do I need to write about blah blah blah on my blog? #ontheblog? Holy crap, am I thinking in hashtags?” I get a little stage fright and scrap it all.

Orrrr, I just get distracted, period.

Past about 9:00, it’s over. That’s when I stand in the shower, which is like some kind of time warping black hole, and I always seem to get out about…an embarrassing amount of time later.

(I am not saving water, but I don’t wash my hair that often, so, I’ll call it a draw.)

After my shower, I take out my contacts and inevitably pick my face for twenty minutes.

That’s my night.

Tonight, though, I want to write about my day. It was uninteresting to most, but with a crazy next couple of weeks, I was SO thrilled to have an entire, open scheduled day with my little best buddies. We went to Sonic, dumped Ocean Water drinks all over the car (and ceiling..?) before we even arrived to our destination, and wandered Home Goods.

My POI (point of interest) of the day was me crying in Home Goods. Actual tears. That’s because a.) Home Goods is sacred, and b.) Gus and Roscoe in awe of all the toys made me tear up. Sometimes I forget how little they are! Their teeny hands holding potentially new coloring books, bending down to examine them in the little squat only the youngest kids can do. They both looked like babies next to the towering shelves of toy cars. Are they not babies, though? They’re just teeny little guys, yet Gus is starting school next month! How did this happen?!

I turned my head from the Home Goods toy shelves and there were BACKPACKS! They’re ruining summer! They were lined up in all their glory behind the infant section. How fitting. Just so poignantly appropriate. So symbolic! Let it stand as painful foreshadowing to all the new moms shopping for newborn footie pajamas–emoji backpacks are looming closely behind! It was tender and heartbreaking and I just love my boys so much, and that’s when I started crying.

Of course, I bought my boys the B-listed, running-out-of-battery toys they wanted, and told myself that guy Bryan from The Bachelorette’s crazy mom is just so relatable. So misunderstood.

(I also bought newborn blankets because I have a lot of feelings (and a dozen friends having babies), as well as a sparkly lunchbox for myself to take to work. I’ll match all the Lisa Frank-deprived seven year olds of 2017.)

I’m borderline flipping out about school starting this year. This is the beginning. It’s starting. The schedules! The homework! Outside influences! Missing my kids at school! My friends tell me I won’t miss them…but what if I do? I will! Should I sort out my expired teaching license to stalk my kids forever?

I’m getting all weepy that our almost four year long, never ending summer is coming to an end. I never want my “supers” to grow up. (And I never want to really care if all my #ontheblog photos are professional.)

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