A Few Things to Consider if You Already Have Your Christmas Tree Up/Save Thanksgiving

I. LOVE. CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s how many exclamation marks that needed. I mean, I LOVE it. Even on a tight budget this year, I made sure I stashed away an extra $30 plus tax to buy a 3’ and 5’ Tinsel Tree combo pack from Target. I know that my birthday marks 106 days until December 25. I start my Christmas opening ceremonies with my NSYNC “Home for Christmas” CD, polished and pristine from 2001. I’m not a Christmas hater.

However, I think a quarter of my friends already have their Christmas trees up, pre-Thanksgiving. So fun. So festive. They make my spirit bright. But, to them, I ask a few questions:

Are you so nice that even the pilgrims bring you gifts?
Do you fear the ghosts of Thanksgivings past? Aint no one messing with Pocahontas at my house.
Are you just saying you’re thankful for Christmas this year?
Did I miss Anderson Cooper state that faux-pine wards off Ebola?
Is this a vegan movement?
Do your children get confused?

Maybe I would put one up if I owned a fake tree, which I’m definitely considering purchasing after a review of my live tree instantaneous execution record. Since I don’t even have that option, I’m firm on my Save Thanksgiving 2014 stance.

…but your trees are very pretty. I’m counting down to the end of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and that dog show afterward to join you.

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Is “Old McDonald” Somekind of a Verbal Exam for Parents?

Is your kitchen floor clean because you swept, or because you led your child on a cereal foraging expedition across the floor?

Do you make actual pig sounds when reading books and singing “Old McDonald,” or do you say, “Oink?”

I have failed at both these things today. My oinks were feeling throaty, so I skipped over them completely and only said, “Baaa,” at the sheep. No bleating.

I feel pretty fine about this. Yeah, pretty average about it, UNTIL I go on Instagram and all the other moms are making homemade, edible playdough and dozens of Pinterest projects. They’re all at museums! They’re at the park…DRESSED! They’re posting videos of A+ quality oinking!

I’ve been trying to make up my mediocrity by purchasing organic milk for Gus.

I think tomorrow I’m going to figure out Pinterest, and I’m on a two day Instagram suspension until people stop posting their homemade Halloween costumes. It’s November, and excessive.

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